Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday!

Today (4/11) is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your
nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a d@mn about?

Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work

Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their
mouth and see what your boss had for lunch?

Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a
everyone else clears it?

Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially

These are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.

* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the

* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their
slapping the irritant.

* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with
stapler or a hole-puncher.

* CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your
"assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your
stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"

* If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the
irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break
out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out
and get to slapping.....and have a great day!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

All Growns Up

With every day and year that go by more and more of my friends are getting married. Last year it was 10 people I knew who got married. Out of those 10, 3 are now expecting a kid this year. 3! Not even married a year and my friends are having kids. Am I doing something wrong that we're not married yet? The answer, No. Because Melissa is still young. We'll be married before long. That is known. We haven't been hiding the fact that we're in love, moving in together, getting engaged and eventually married.

Am I jealous? Yes and no. Yes because we would make great parents. No because we have time before we are going to start a family. Melissa is 3 years younger than me and we want to make sure that we experience everything we can with one another. I mean we finally had our first adult vacation that wasn't revolving around a business trip or with family.

I wish all my friends luck with the start of their families. You're all going to make great parents!

Baseball Season is here...

Why am I not looking forward to this season? Well after I finally saw my Steelers win a Super Bowl the realization hit me. The Phillies did nothing this season to make their team better. Billy Wagner is now a Met. Thome was shipped off to the White Sox for Aaron Rowand - a good fielder but defense isn't going to win games on this team. They acquired a 42 year-old relief pitcher.

In thinking about the offseason as a fan i knew the one thing the phillies needed was starting pitching. Where were the moves to make a pitcher? why trade Thome for an outfielder, then make another trade for an outfielder before the season started? The other trade was for yet another outfielder. The only thing i can think is that they are going to trade Abreu for a big name pitcher but by the time that happens the phillies will be out of the playoff hunt.

Therefore, this season I'm going to spend it as a fan of the game. Not going crazy that the Phillies are going to lose. Just being a fan and enjoying the game my father and brother taught me to play. Maybe I'll be able to get down to see my brother coach his grade school team to another championship because let's be honest that's the most excitement my baseball season will have.

Monday, April 03, 2006

10k in under an hour

ok kids this morning I ran a 10k. For those of you following along, 10k = 6.2 miles. Finally I ran a 9 minute 15 second mile. This is big for me because I'm fucking slow! That's right. I know its going to break a lot of hearts but understand this kids, I am slow. It just helps the ego because I'm training for the marathon. The better i do running in these training runs the more it helps me to realize that getting up at 5:30 am monday through friday is paying it. Its huge for me. HUGE I TELL YOU!

Sunday, April 02, 2006


Its about 11:15 when I started writing this. I've been watching Harlem Nights trying to find people who i've lost touch with over the years. But let's face it, I suck at keeping in touch. Shit in order for me to get in touch with my best friends I rely on text messaging. For those I'm still friends with I am on a fairly regular basis but for the most part I hate the phone. Especially when you consider I'm on it all damn day long at work!

Can someone tell me again how/why I got into sales? I hate talking to people. when it comes to the phone its even worse. seriously!

Still on myspace finding old friends. Actually there is one person who I've lost touch with. Have you ever had that one friend you can remember since nursery school? I have two. Mark and Brian. Brian I see every once in while, mainly during the summer at Bar A. I've been able to get updates on him through a mutual friend. But my oldest friend Mark is someone who I have no connections with. I could always call his house to talk to his parents but again...that requires using the phone.

Either way...this is the type of shit that happens when I bring my laptop home and have the next day off. I'm sit online screwing around trying to find people who I've lost touch with.

Therefore, any one reading this who knows how I can track down Mark DeCosta....let me know. Its been 8 years since I last saw him.

I'm Back!

Back by popular demand is an update of things on my life since...um...whenever the last update was. February? Ah who knows. Any way here's where things are....Melissa and I found an apartment. There will be more on that but I have a fear of jinxing things so I'll keep it to myself for now. There are people who know how things are progressing but if there is too much information I actually put on "paper" I know it'll be a jinx.

Next...Punta Cana was great! We spent 5 days of doing nothing!!!! The only thing we did was half a day of snorkeling. We were able to swim near coral reef and I got to swim with sharks and manta raes (sp). It was truly remarkable. I'm not a good swimmer...as a matter of fact i can't swim well at all. but that's besides the point. being out in the ocean is where i always want to be. Own a sail boat and spend the weekends out on that...its just a dream. At one point during the snorkeling I was able to remove the lifevest and swim to the ocean and feed the fishes. The pictures from that haven't been developed yet but I should do it soon. Other than that all Melissa and I did was sit on the beach at the resort. We didnt drink much but we were able to eat fresh coconut. One of the people working on the resort was cutting them from a tree and we went over to see if we could get one. he opened it for and spent a good 30 minutes drinking from it..which i later found is a natural laxative. That means I spent some time on the bowl.

Basically if i wasn't on the beach I was on the bowl. The trip ended with me getting salmanila from a burger I eat. it was a terrible end to a great vacation.

Oh and some one stole our towel our last night there. we left it on the rail on our patio, we were ground floor. About 1 am Melissa heard a noise outside and woke me. I went out on to the patio to find only one towl. The passed up on the sneakers and bathing suits that were there but went for the towel...weirdos.

Whatelse...We were able to see my neice Grace when we got back. What a little cutie! She has light brown hair that is all curly making her look like Shirly Temple. What an adorable little girl! My poor brother is going to have his hands full.


Oh a lot of my friends are having kids or are pregnant. Denise had a little girl named Isabella and my old boss Pixie had a little boy. I just had his name on the tip of my tongue when I start this sentence and just forgot it. Two old college roommates are pregnant. Pizz and Erin are expecting! Which kicks ass! Dennis' wife...from what I understand is pregnant but I never hear from him or any of the other guys.

Whatelse. We're getting ready for a good summer. 3 big weddings this year. Melissa's cousin, her best friend and my roommate Ken. Plus...who knows when we'll be engaged :)

This is our marathon year. Melissa and I will be running in November, if you're reading this you're expected to be there! We'll need all the support we can get. I'm shooting for under 5 hours and i think we can do it!

Baseball season has started. Two fantasy baseball leagues and the first game of the season is under way!

If i can think of any thing else I'll try to post it. But tomorrow is opening day in Philly! I can't wait to go! Section 125 in Citizens Bank Park! I'm not expecting much from the phillies this year but if they do well then it truly is the year of THE DARREN!

that's all for now.


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