Friday, December 29, 2006

New Blog Location!

This doesn't look quite the way I want it to but its a work in progress. The new site may actually come down for a while until I get it squared away.

My Breakfast

My breakfast this morning is chocolate cake! Just like in the Bill Cosby skit. I've been up since 7:30 so I figure its ok to have chocolate cake when you've been up for 2 hours. Plus Melissa had friends over last night so i got to move their cars. Which means I can reward myself with chocolate cake while watching The Office christmas episode. Good times!!!!

Thursday, December 21, 2006


Here's video of Liliana Rose. Frankie and Char's new baby. Congrats guys!

Found: DickinaBox

Ok apparently the bastards at NBC didn't like the fact that Justin Timberlake's DickinaBox song was posted on The clip was removed from the site late last night, I should know I was on the site at 11 p.m. watching it for 84th time. but it didn't get removed from my 2nd favorite site (second to this blog of course) site. Below is a link to the site that directs you to this Grammy Nominated Song!

Enjoy all 4 people who read this blog.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

New Set-up to come...hopefully

Over the weekend I picked up a macbook. Apparently there some pretty cool stuff on here and I think it will help me make some changes to this blog which means hopefully a cool look. any way...wish me luck.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Thoughts from Ben Stein

Many folks think Ben Stein is just a quirky actor/comedian who talks ina monotone. He's also an economist and a very intelligent attorney whoknows how to put ideas and words together in such a way as to swayjuries and make people think clearly.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary. He begins with:

"Here with a few confessions from my beating heart:I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on thecover of People and Us constantly, when I am buying my dog biscuits andkitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They neverknow who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change mylife if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they soimportant?I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all aboutTom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am asubversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.

If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish.And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call thosebeautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feelthreatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are:Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. Idon't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in aghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothersand sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me atall that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection nearmy beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as finewith me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't thinkChristians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I thinkpeople who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around,period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is anexplicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and Idon't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that weshould worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God aswe understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.

But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica camefrom and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is alittle different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny,it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and JaneClayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?"(regarding Katrina)

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. Shesaid, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but foryears we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out ofour government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman Heis, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to giveus His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. Ithink it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, herbody found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools,and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Biblesays thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love yourneighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when theymisbehave because their little personalities would be warped and wemight damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why theydon't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to killstrangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure itout. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why theworld's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what theBible says.Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread likewildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, peoplethink twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely throughcyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school andworkplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many onyour address list because you're not sure what they believe, or whatthey will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of usthan what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... noone will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don'tsit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards .. honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein"

Monday, October 23, 2006

Waaaassssaaaaaaaaaaaaabi !!
Budweiser WAZZUP what are YOU doing?

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Rest in Peace Uncle Danny

On Thursday September 28th, cancer claimed the life of another family member. Uncle Danny lost his battle with cancer but his spirit lives on in the entire family. After attending the wake and funeral it was apparent to see how many lives he touched. Whether it was his three brothers and two sisters, his nine nieces and nephews or all of this friends who came to see him. He always brought a smile to people's faces. He had an uncanny ability to do so. Uncle Danny even touched the lives of the nurses who took care of him while he was in and out of the hospital. These nurses even came to Danny's wake to pay their respects. This was a true sign of the type of person Uncle Danny was.

Uncle Danny, I'll miss you! You've made a difference in my life and the lives of everyone who knew you. I'm proud to call you my uncle and to support Aunt Pat and Christopher!

Thursday, September 14, 2006


One year from now is the big day! 365 days away!

More details to follow...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Courtship (the non-short version)

With the impending 1 year until my wedding countdown I thought I'd fill some of you in on the details of how we met....its a long one!

Melissa and I met through work. She had started as assistant account executive (or something like that) at ZiffDavis handling their online sales program. I was working at my 3rd job, Euro RSCG which was an advertising agency handling the online campaigns for Intel. Therefore, I was buying what she was selling :)

The first face-to-face encounter happened in the summer of 2002 at Aquagrill. Melissa's boss was taking my co-workers and me out to lunch on that warm day in the early summer. It was a quick lunch where Melissa thought I was a complete dork, which i was/am. But that was really the first meeting but not the one where I really caught her eye.

In September of 2002 I left Euro to go work with Leslie at her new agency T-3. T-3 was headquartered in Austin, Texas but they were opening their first office in NYC. My responsibility at T-3 was to do the online planning for Dell, also headquartered out of Austin, Texas. (are you noticing the use of Austin?)

T-3 had an opening party at Roane in the Meat Packing District, this was before it became the yuppie-ville that it is today. For the party, T-3 invited all of the sites who were had worked with over the years and all the site we were going to work with while handling Dell. Melissa was invited to the party with her boss Angelo and this is where the "real first impression" came from.

Melissa was wearing a white turtle neck, sleeveless sweater. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. That's the real first impression. I was talking to someone else at the time but saw her walk past the back of the bar to go to the restroom. Basically my eyes followed her the whole time she was walking until she was no longer in site. Barely a word was spoken between her and I at the party the rest of the night. Just one TV moment where you see the person for the first time and it plays out in your head in slow motion.

That was October 2002. As the months passed Melissa and I chatted more often. We spoke via email and over the phone for a lot of work related things. But then one day during football season I decided to let one of those emails become slightly more flirtaous (is that spelled right). I was able to find out that Melissa was a Jets fan, that at one point in time she was at a bar with her friends dancing on the bar...very classy! From there the conversations took off.

We joked over email. She would sign them "Best wishes, Chad Pennington" mine would come through "Best regards, Tommy Maddox." It was cute...we flirted a little over email. Nothing bad. The emails weren't too crazy or too flirtatious...just emails. chit chat.

Fast forward to February 2003, only a few months later basically. Melissa's boss was taking a bunch of us from T-3 to a Rangers-Bruins game in the ZiffDavis skybox. This is where Melissa likes to make fun of me. I was wearing a HUGE sweater and cords. The sweater could have fit two people in it. Either way, just like everything else in life I was late. I must have missed the 1st period that's how late I was.

There I sat, eating my free food and drinking my free alcohol. Melissa and I chatted a bit but she's a big Rangers fan and I HATE new york sports teams. This is where the flirtation picked up a bit. The next morning I sent the traditional thank you email to melissa and her boss. From there the emails kept flying between the two of us.

Being in media I would get free tickets to different events. A few weeks later the Big East Tournement would start and a rep offered me four free tickets. Of course I took the tickets, who would pass them up. The offer was thrown out Melissa, "Any interest in going to see the Big East Tournament?" "Sure"

Melissa's co-workers kept telling her that this was going to be a date.

Once at the Garden, I took 2 of the 4 tickets and scalped them for "beer money." Melissa and I had a good time watching the game and chatting. She was nice enough to spill beer on herself at least three times.

At halftime, we decided it was time to go to the bar in the Garden in order to get some food and a few more beers. And being a client, Melissa was able to expense it. The next few days went by and we flirted over email again. The following week Melissa had two tickets to a Rangers game, she was "going to repay the favor of taking" her "to the basketball game."

She knew that she wanted me...she just needed the rangers game to confirm it. I knew I was hooked but it was more like Reagon-omics or Trickle Down Economics. The more I spent with her the more she would come running :)

Here we are now halfway into March. We've gone to the Big East Tournament, a Rangers game...what sporting event would we go to next...HAPPY HOUR! Melissa and I met at Sutton Place, a completely unplanned meeting until 30 minutes before it actually happened. At Sutton Place, Melissa was looking beautiful as always. Striving to be the business girl, she was dressed in a nice suit. Unfortunately, she broke the heal of her shoe that night. She was now forced to hobble around.

While we were at Sutton Place it began to rain. We headed out the door without an umbrella. Melissa was going to try to catch a cab or run to the subway. Just before we walked across the street to catch a cab, with the rain pooring down, I grabbed Melissa's arm. Her mind was racing, fully expecting me to kiss her. She didn't know how to react until she realized I was pulling her under an awning to stay dry.

She was disappointed and slightly heartbroken. She was hoping that would be the moment. But I was playing with her...thinking she was hooked...but I wasn't thinking of kissing her, just staying in dry.

Our "friendship" had progressed from flirting on email, to face-to-face meetings, to flirting over IM. The following Friday we were chatting via IM when Melissa asked me what I was going to be doing that night/weekend. I told her that there were no plans for the day or weekend. From there she proceeded to put plans together for her and I.

Dinner at Yama Sushi. Then we would grab a drink after that. Those were the plans.

Melissa showed up 30 minutes late because she got off at the wrong subway stop. She got off at 14th street instead of West 4th. Now usually I'm the one whose late! We finally sat down for our email. The wine list came out, we decided that we were going to get a glass of white wine each. When it came time to order, neither of us knew what we wanted to eat or what we always liked. So we kind of shot from the hip.

After dinner we decided to keep the drinks going. Off to the Bower Street for a drink. We walked into Bower Street Ale House which was packed because the college basketball national championship was. We decided to go to another bar. We found Boxers on West 4th. We sat there watching the Syracuse game. The bet was then made...."if Syracuse wins you kiss me. If Syracuse loses I kiss you" from Melissa's lips to my ears! I secretly began to cheer for Syracuse. As the clock expired, we kissed. Right there for the first time in Boxers. It was soft, slow and the best kiss ever!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Paris Hilton Revised
Dane Cook - My First Time

Friday, June 02, 2006

Its Official!

She actually said yes...poor girl!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday!

Today (4/11) is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your
nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a d@mn about?

Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work

Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their
mouth and see what your boss had for lunch?

Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a
everyone else clears it?

Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially

These are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.

* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the

* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their
slapping the irritant.

* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with
stapler or a hole-puncher.

* CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your
"assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your
stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"

* If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the
irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break
out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out
and get to slapping.....and have a great day!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

All Growns Up

With every day and year that go by more and more of my friends are getting married. Last year it was 10 people I knew who got married. Out of those 10, 3 are now expecting a kid this year. 3! Not even married a year and my friends are having kids. Am I doing something wrong that we're not married yet? The answer, No. Because Melissa is still young. We'll be married before long. That is known. We haven't been hiding the fact that we're in love, moving in together, getting engaged and eventually married.

Am I jealous? Yes and no. Yes because we would make great parents. No because we have time before we are going to start a family. Melissa is 3 years younger than me and we want to make sure that we experience everything we can with one another. I mean we finally had our first adult vacation that wasn't revolving around a business trip or with family.

I wish all my friends luck with the start of their families. You're all going to make great parents!

Baseball Season is here...

Why am I not looking forward to this season? Well after I finally saw my Steelers win a Super Bowl the realization hit me. The Phillies did nothing this season to make their team better. Billy Wagner is now a Met. Thome was shipped off to the White Sox for Aaron Rowand - a good fielder but defense isn't going to win games on this team. They acquired a 42 year-old relief pitcher.

In thinking about the offseason as a fan i knew the one thing the phillies needed was starting pitching. Where were the moves to make a pitcher? why trade Thome for an outfielder, then make another trade for an outfielder before the season started? The other trade was for yet another outfielder. The only thing i can think is that they are going to trade Abreu for a big name pitcher but by the time that happens the phillies will be out of the playoff hunt.

Therefore, this season I'm going to spend it as a fan of the game. Not going crazy that the Phillies are going to lose. Just being a fan and enjoying the game my father and brother taught me to play. Maybe I'll be able to get down to see my brother coach his grade school team to another championship because let's be honest that's the most excitement my baseball season will have.

Monday, April 03, 2006

10k in under an hour

ok kids this morning I ran a 10k. For those of you following along, 10k = 6.2 miles. Finally I ran a 9 minute 15 second mile. This is big for me because I'm fucking slow! That's right. I know its going to break a lot of hearts but understand this kids, I am slow. It just helps the ego because I'm training for the marathon. The better i do running in these training runs the more it helps me to realize that getting up at 5:30 am monday through friday is paying it. Its huge for me. HUGE I TELL YOU!

Sunday, April 02, 2006


Its about 11:15 when I started writing this. I've been watching Harlem Nights trying to find people who i've lost touch with over the years. But let's face it, I suck at keeping in touch. Shit in order for me to get in touch with my best friends I rely on text messaging. For those I'm still friends with I am on a fairly regular basis but for the most part I hate the phone. Especially when you consider I'm on it all damn day long at work!

Can someone tell me again how/why I got into sales? I hate talking to people. when it comes to the phone its even worse. seriously!

Still on myspace finding old friends. Actually there is one person who I've lost touch with. Have you ever had that one friend you can remember since nursery school? I have two. Mark and Brian. Brian I see every once in while, mainly during the summer at Bar A. I've been able to get updates on him through a mutual friend. But my oldest friend Mark is someone who I have no connections with. I could always call his house to talk to his parents but again...that requires using the phone.

Either way...this is the type of shit that happens when I bring my laptop home and have the next day off. I'm sit online screwing around trying to find people who I've lost touch with.

Therefore, any one reading this who knows how I can track down Mark DeCosta....let me know. Its been 8 years since I last saw him.

I'm Back!

Back by popular demand is an update of things on my life the last update was. February? Ah who knows. Any way here's where things are....Melissa and I found an apartment. There will be more on that but I have a fear of jinxing things so I'll keep it to myself for now. There are people who know how things are progressing but if there is too much information I actually put on "paper" I know it'll be a jinx.

Next...Punta Cana was great! We spent 5 days of doing nothing!!!! The only thing we did was half a day of snorkeling. We were able to swim near coral reef and I got to swim with sharks and manta raes (sp). It was truly remarkable. I'm not a good a matter of fact i can't swim well at all. but that's besides the point. being out in the ocean is where i always want to be. Own a sail boat and spend the weekends out on that...its just a dream. At one point during the snorkeling I was able to remove the lifevest and swim to the ocean and feed the fishes. The pictures from that haven't been developed yet but I should do it soon. Other than that all Melissa and I did was sit on the beach at the resort. We didnt drink much but we were able to eat fresh coconut. One of the people working on the resort was cutting them from a tree and we went over to see if we could get one. he opened it for and spent a good 30 minutes drinking from it..which i later found is a natural laxative. That means I spent some time on the bowl.

Basically if i wasn't on the beach I was on the bowl. The trip ended with me getting salmanila from a burger I eat. it was a terrible end to a great vacation.

Oh and some one stole our towel our last night there. we left it on the rail on our patio, we were ground floor. About 1 am Melissa heard a noise outside and woke me. I went out on to the patio to find only one towl. The passed up on the sneakers and bathing suits that were there but went for the towel...weirdos.

Whatelse...We were able to see my neice Grace when we got back. What a little cutie! She has light brown hair that is all curly making her look like Shirly Temple. What an adorable little girl! My poor brother is going to have his hands full.


Oh a lot of my friends are having kids or are pregnant. Denise had a little girl named Isabella and my old boss Pixie had a little boy. I just had his name on the tip of my tongue when I start this sentence and just forgot it. Two old college roommates are pregnant. Pizz and Erin are expecting! Which kicks ass! Dennis' wife...from what I understand is pregnant but I never hear from him or any of the other guys.

Whatelse. We're getting ready for a good summer. 3 big weddings this year. Melissa's cousin, her best friend and my roommate Ken. Plus...who knows when we'll be engaged :)

This is our marathon year. Melissa and I will be running in November, if you're reading this you're expected to be there! We'll need all the support we can get. I'm shooting for under 5 hours and i think we can do it!

Baseball season has started. Two fantasy baseball leagues and the first game of the season is under way!

If i can think of any thing else I'll try to post it. But tomorrow is opening day in Philly! I can't wait to go! Section 125 in Citizens Bank Park! I'm not expecting much from the phillies this year but if they do well then it truly is the year of THE DARREN!

that's all for now.


Saturday, February 11, 2006

A Little Snow Won't Stop the Party!!

As we all know supposedly there's a blizzard coming. Which kicks ass in so many different ways because I get to through the dog into snow piles, through Melissa into snow piles, or get pushed into snow piles. But it also causes a slight problem for any one still interested in coming to Hoboken tonight for the party.

The party is still on! The one good thing is that the less people who show up means the more food for me! Feel free to swing by Nine on Washington Street if you're in Hoboken tonight. If not, no worries we'll catch up some other time.

Drive fast, take chances.

p.s. this is my last saturday in my 20s...damn I'm getting old. Next thing you know I'll be going gray....shit too late, I'm losing that battle too.

Friday, February 10, 2006

The Countdown Has Begun!

For those of you how don't know...the countdown has begun. Today is officially my last Friday in my 20s. In 7 days I will turn the big 30! Luckily we'll be in the Dominican Republic drinking cheap alcohol and eating food that will give me the runs. But its going to be 5 days in sun with Melissa!

I'm gonna go so sunburned that I'm going to look like the lady from Something About Mary or like this lady...

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Why are you on your cell phone at the gym?

My morning ritual is to now get up early at the ass crack of dawn to go to the gym. I figure its the best time because its not crowded and if I have to work late I won't miss the gym. But here's something that has really been getting on my nerves.

My frustration actually began on this bus this morning. Who in the fucking world was the girl on the bus talking to on her cell phone at 5:30 AM! You are as far east as possible in this time zone so unless you're talking to someone overseas or in Hawaii you shouldn't be on the phone at 5:30 in the morning. If Melissa had called at 5:30 just to chat I'd kick her in the shins! 5:30 am on the bus means sleepy time before we start our days.

The gym I go to is the NYSC in the Crown Plaza at 49th and Broadway so there are a few traveling businessmen there who find the need to work out in jeans. Ok I get it, you didn't bring clothes to work out in just your jeans and a nasty under-shirt from the day before. Plus its early so the store isn't open yet. Its ok, I'll let it slide.

But the guy on his cell phone in the gym who is sitting on his fat ass on the machine I need to use is annoying. First of all, who in the world is that important that you need to speak to them at 6:15 am! Explain that to me! Next, are you that important that you need to be on the phone not only at 6:15 but at the gym period! Are you a doctor? The president? An expecting father? If you're none of those either hang up the fucking phone or get off the machine so other people can use it.

I'm not some muscle head but I do enjoy working out in peace so if I can hear your conversation over the music on my iPod - that is turned all the way - we have a problem. No one at the gym needs to know what you ate for dinner last night buddy. Hang the phone up or move! Its really annoying.

Then you have the chicks who are all dolled up in their tight clothes on the treadmill. At least you're trying to get rid of that muffin top you got going on. But if you can speak at a normal pace without heavy breathing while you're on the treadmill then you're not doing much. Either hang up the phone because no one gives a shit what you're wearing to work today except for you and the girl on the other end of the phone. Who most likely is on a treadmill at another gym annoying the shit out of someone there too.

You're fat! Get off the phone! Walk a little faster you'll be amazed at the results.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Striped Shirt Guy

This is funny and true!

Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some pussy tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!

My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!

I figure we’ll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the shit out of that little white ball! It’s going to be so fucking loud! I’ll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 fucking yards tonight! I’m that fucking pumped!

I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I fucking love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I’m crushing one right now!

I’m thinking about buying a boat this year!

I’m gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I’ll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!

I’m gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!

I will valet tonight!

I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to “Take it easy on the brakes, Champ”!

I will talk to people I don’t know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders “Babe” and male bartenders “Chief”!

When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks”! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!

I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!

I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for “after hours”! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!

When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!

I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I’ll be ready to fucking party again tomorrow!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

New Years Resolution

Before the clock struck midnight I had devised a good New Years Resolution. I was going to give up beer. Why would I do something like that? Well when I drink beer I'm an asshole. I really just get nasty to people, specifically Melissa. I decided today that it was best if I quit on beer. but then I realized that's going to be impossible for me to do so I came up with a solution. Once I fail at my resolution I'll cut back significantly on beer. That's what I'm going with.

Today is January 3rd. I drank beer last night. New Years Resolution right down the shitter but there's still hope. I could go without beer... it would be healthier. Let's see how i'm doing in a week.

Random Act of Theivery??

It started off as another day off. The clock hit 11 am and we cracked open the first drinks. Prior to that Ken ran out to get beer for himself and vodka for me. I'm cutting back on the beer because its making me fatter so I'm gonna run with vodka for now. (more on that later).

We decided to head over to the bar to meet some friends and watch the Notre Dame - Ohio State game. Before we went there we played 4 games of Madden during which I drank 3 Vodka-Seltzers in pint glasses. PINT GLASSES! These were more vodka than seltzer which was the problem.

The game became boring so we cut to the chase. It was time to do something mischiveous. During our drunken night we convinced Ken to remove a very large New Castle mirror from the back wall of the bar. The mirror had to be no smaller than 3 feet wide and 5 feet long. Here's how it goes...

Ken wandered up to the bathroom and noticed the mirror hanging on the wall outside the bathrooms, which are on the 2nd floor. When he returned he mentioned how much he loved that mirror at which point I convinced him that he needed to bring it home with him. From there he went into the back room to check to see if the back door was locked or not. Returning he mentioned the door wasn't locked but there were cameras all over...they probably don't even work.

Then back upstairs. Grabs the mirror. Out the back door. Then he runs to the apartment with this giant mirror tucked under his arm. I meet him at the front door to the apartment building so that he can run in.

That was last night.

Today he felt guilty all day long that he took the mirror, whimp. When he returned from work he returned the mirror by going through the backdoor. Back up the stairs and puts the mirror back on the wall.

No harm. No Foul.

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