Friday, August 05, 2005

Where is she?

There's been no call since last night at 10 pm. She had gone to bed early because she was tired and slightly drunk. I went out to meet up with some friends for a couple of beers. But now its 12 hours since we last spoke. Worrying is something that I do well and effectively. If worrying were an olypmic sport I'd probably finish in the top 10 - although I worry about random things.

Is there enough money in my bank account? Why hasn't this check cleared? Does my belt match my shoes? Why isn't she online yet?

The "why isn't she online yet" part is what I typically worry about the most in the mornings. In the new world we live in. In the new New York that we call home, life is different. You worry about the littlest things without letting on. "The guy looks shady." "Why are there more cops on this platform than normal? And how come they are not carrying gas masks? They regularly don't carry them wih them."

I worry about her because I love her and couldn't stand a day where I wouldn't be able to talk to her. Sure there are times when we're on the phone that conversation doesn't come easily. We sit in silence grasping for words but our minds are racing with work. Those times should bother us. They would make people who just started dating wonder and wander. Wandering minds lead to dangerous outcomes. Her and I have a connection and we know that the lack of conversation is simply our brains trying to take a minute to catch it's breath.

10:03, do I call? Maybe she's home still asleep. She does that some times. Calls out of work for a mental day but doesn't tell me. That's when I call and wake her up which leads to her being slightly frustrated because all she wanted to do was sleep a little later. Oh well. If I wake her at least I know she's safe. It makes me feel better.

10:04!? The clock on my computer can't be right. I check the time on my cell phone, 10:04. "Hey," I yell to my co-worker walking by "you know what time it is?" "I've gotttttt...10:04." "Shit thanks."

Finally I call. "Hey babe, where you at?" Ok so sometimes when I speak I don't do it well.

"Let me call you back from my office?"

"Oh...ok you weren't online so I didn't know where you were. Drop me a line when you get a chance." I say this because her voice sounds rushed. She probably just ran in and is late for a meeting. Or she's been in and still late for a meeting. Either way it bothers me none because I know she's safe. I feel more relaxed now. I can stop worrying.

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